~
Paulo
1959-2005
…still walking into rooms for you…
~
Category Archives: 2015
“The feeling’s gone and I just can’t get it back”…
~
It used to be something…
But now it’s all gone…
Only echoes still remain…
Of what was so strong…
A fragment of a memory…
That stirs now and again…
Rising to the surface…
Quickly descending and then…
Becoming that feeling…
Of numbness, of nothing…
Like a man in the ground…
Buried cold in his coffin…
But reminding you that…
There once was a passion…
That would take a hold…
And leave you gasping…
Left you begging for more…
Got you so very high …
It was mixed with danger…
Toxic deception and lies…
Providing guilty pleasure…
The stuff of your dreams…
And it took you to places…
You never thought you’d see…
But what began as fantasy…
Then became something else…
It became dark and twisted…
It became bad for your health…
So you pushed it away…
Tried to lighten the load…
By blocking the demons…
And the visions they showed…
Yet despite all the heartache…
Some days you crave it so bad…
And wonder if it will ever…
Perhaps, maybe come back…
But until that moment…
There’s a void full of nothing…
An empty hole in the blackness…
That used to be something…
~
“Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you”…
Please welcome iliketoitals as my latest Guest Poet!
You can read more of iliketoitals words here: https://iliketoitals.wordpress.com/about/
If you would like to be a Guest Poet, please email me your poem to eyewillnotcry@hotmail.co.uk
Cheers
Night Terrors
I awoke, late one night
to my mother’s screaming
I’ve always resented
my interrupted dreaming
I took off my covers
and stepped out of bed
I opened my door
the hallway – splattered red
I raced to my parents’ room
echoed, did her cries
I opened their door,
which I’d not advise
My father: flayed – displayed,
nailed up to the ceiling
a dripping demon smiled
off mother’s skin, it’s peeling
I slammed the door and ran
right back to my room
forgot to lock my door,
please don’t be my doom
I gripped my bear, tight
protects me all the time
hiding under covers
as into bed, I climb
My door creaked open, slowly
as footsteps taunt and thud
that damned dripping, but of him
or of my parents’ blood?
it crawled beneath my bed
I’m frozen, and afraid
until the morning sun,
under my bed, it stayed
When I’m graced with light,
a sentence on the wall
it was penned in blood
that demon starts to crawl
the blood had run, but dried:
“Oh, naïve Jake,
It’s alright, cheer on up!
I know that you’re awake”
Night Terrors art by Sally-Jackson
“Maybe I can tell such a brilliant lie”…
~
She looked at him…
With eyes of love…
Her guardian angel…
Sent from above…
Who nursed her through…
The toughest of times…
And stood by her…
Forgave all her crimes…
That gentle man…
A rock to depend…
When she was broken…
He refused to bend…
And comforted her…
Allowed her the space…
Accepted all her faults…
Wiped tears from her face…
Gave her the courage…
To carry on with life…
He took all the weight…
Absorbed all her strife…
Made life worth living…
And lit up the dark…
As in her desperate hours…
He provided the spark…
That she clung onto…
Allowed her to cope…
It gave her strength…
And provided her hope…
That she wasn’t here…
All on her own…
And she could fight…
Show some backbone…
Knowing he’d be there…
So silent and strong…
No matter the issue…
Or if she was wrong…
Never pointing out faults…
Just seeing her through…
And she never suspected…
She really didn’t have a clue…
~
“And maybe you can cry all night”…
~
He never was yours…
Despite anything he said…
His lies filled the silence…
Just fucking with your head…
He sucked on your soul…
Like a vampire sucking blood…
He drained your emotions…
Whilst feasting on the flood…
Because the boy had a heart…
Which loved two things…
The twisted demon’s darkness…
And the angel’s white wings…
You were caught in between…
The push and the pull…
Forwards then backwards…
Till your poor head was full…
And it left you spinning…
Around and around…
Never quite knowing…
Feet never on firm ground…
One moment you felt special…
The next you felt used…
An emotional roller-coaster…
That was designed to confuse…
As he chased distraction…
And the excitement it brings…
Which made him feel alive…
Made his distorted soul sing…
He craved sinful electricity…
And your safety never compared…
But he needed both to live…
That’s why he wasn’t prepared…
To commit to you completely…
And live just half a life…
He took the best of both worlds…
Danced on the edge of the knife…
Never really telling the truth…
Never caring that you cried…
And though you never gave up hope…
You were always second prize…
~
“Every step you take, I’ll be watching you”…
~
On an island far away…
Bathed in the ice white sun…
Sits the seductive angel…
Believing she has won…
That she has got away with it…
And that she is now free…
To carry on with life…
And inflict her misery…
On those who fall victim…
On those she calls prey…
Those who chase distraction…
And from the path, they stray…
Into her waiting arms…
Straight into her traps…
That she has set meticulously…
Ensnaring those who lapse…
As she is the instigator…
The one who turns their head…
Setting the coordinates…
Knowing when they’re dead…
Hell’s cruel fire awaits…
Payment for their sins…
Down a path of no return…
Where only the Devil wins…
Watching good hearts blacken…
As the victims lose control…
In games of truth or dare…
Where the loser gives their soul…
Before accepting her payment…
Of sixty tiny silver coins…
For every sinful blackbird…
Falling from the sky to join…
The ever growing underworld…
She fills with broken wings…
Who endure the state of limbo…
As her twisted scheme wins…
Leaving them to face the Raven…
Who will take their final breath…
As she moves to her next victim…
Luring them to their death…
~
“As he faced the sun he cast no shadow”…
Please welcome John as my latest Guest Poet. You can read more of John’s work here:
https://bandeaux.wordpress.com/
If you would like to be a Guest Poet, please email me your words to eyewillnotcry@hotmail.co.uk
Cheers
Old men dream dreams
With eyes awake
And open eyed
accept their age.
With cold precision
lined
detailed
they see the days
stretched out before
like lines upon a page.
And boys dream dreams
with eyes half shut
with gallant sword
held out once more.
They see their self as heroes come
With much acclaim
And at their side
the beauty
that they dreamed before.
These beauties did not dream of them
They did not dream
of conquering men
No if they dreamed
They dreamed at night
Of saving whales
And speaking right
And pleading for imprisoned men
Or tilting at imagines mills.
Old women dreamed when no one knew
Of being young
And loving men
Who also dreamed of loving them.
But sometimes women old and young
And men who sit in blazing sun
Awake and find their dreams are naught
And stones are hard on bended knees
The sun, at day, burns on a back
That bows,
accepting wrongful kings
or break from thrown stones.
And sometimes some women
young or old
See through the pain that others wrought
See through the folly others sought
And see that dreams
were last night dream’t……
……..And waking clearly know
That all todays must start again.
“And everybody knows it’s wrong”…
~
It’s tapping at the window…
The window of your soul…
Wanting to be noticed…
Trying to take control…
Attempting to enter…
Convince you to let it in…
Seducing with the dark side…
Leading down the path of sin…
It’s offering you temptation…
And quietly whispering…
Providing an opportunity…
For the Devil to sing…
Loud into your ear…
Trying to turn your head…
Would anyone really care if…
You acted on what’s said…
And let him rule your heart…
Despite all common sense…
Imagine the adventures…
They would be so intense…
Away from all the boredom…
Where your life is wedged…
But knowing you’re alive…
And living on the edge…
Ignoring all the warnings…
Never counting the cost…
How much your soul will pay…
Once in the valley of the lost…
Because there is no redemption…
And there is no way back…
Once you allow the voices in…
You become open to attack…
And begin to lose all sight…
Of what is right, what is wrong…
No matter your moral compass…
Or if you think that you are strong…
It’s still tapping at the window…
So are you going to let it in…
Allow it to wash over you…
And fill your heart with sin…
~
“We’re ascending higher and higher each day”…
~
On top of the world…
Looking out, peering down…
Above the snow white clouds…
Like an eagle flying round…
In the crystal blue skies…
Where the Sun’s rays dance…
He’s hanging by a thread…
And his fate is left to chance…
It’s wrapped inside a whisper…
From so very long ago…
He’s not sure what even happened…
On the Earth spinning far below…
Underneath his tired feet…
As his eyes drift in and out…
His thoughts make little sense…
And his mind is full of doubt…
Should he just forget this…
Or take a leap of faith…
And dive into the clouds…
Falling further into disgrace…
Inside an echo of a memory…
Where the clouds reveal her face…
And eyes that mesmerise his soul…
How he yearns for her embrace…
Because words are being repeated…
And he’s heard them all before…
In this world where everything has been…
And everything has gone; It is the law…
The law of this Godforsaken planet…
Where we replay others’ mistakes…
Walking in someone else’s shoes…
Swimming in a dead man’s wake…
They aren’t his, they’re human…
He’s not the first or the last…
Simply one of the imperfect sinners…
Who never learned from histories past…
Now he’s on top of the world…
Looking out, floating down…
Falling through the cotton wool clouds…
Until he finally hits the ground…
~
“Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies”…
~
Flying high…
10,000 feet…
Tired mind…
Slow heartbeat…
Needing sleep…
And recharge…
Numbing senses…
Headache large…
Always pulsing…
Stabbing pain…
Sweating forehead…
Sweeping rain…
Hitting eyes…
High altitude…
Blurring vision…
Darkened mood…
Sickening nausea…
Claustrophobic brain…
Incessant paranoia…
Clinically insane…
Violent thoughts…
Softly spoken…
Constant demons…
Spirit broken…
Forever speaking…
Multi voices…
Never happy…
Criticising choices…
Turning left…
Staying right…
Playing out…
Sinful night…
Never listening…
Didn’t understand…
Never helping…
Withdrawing hand…
Everything fading…
Turning black…
Another wave…
Relentless attacks…
~
Eye Will Not Cry 